A mythical find, Green Crack is a rare example of a strain I’ve only had the pleasure of enjoying once in my life. It was in college when I brought down a quarter of the newly picked up bud. When I say “brought down”, it’s in the sense of sneaking it onto a plane. Admittedly probably one of the stupidest acts an aspiring collegiate could do, but to quote the great Hunter Thompson:
Buy the ticket, take the ride.
Nowadays, for us folks who live legally (i.e. not wanting to abuse the medical marijuana industry), mythical strains are easier to find then ever. Just this past week, I strolled down to one of my neighborhood pot shops OZ and what did I find? Green Crack by Suspended Brands.
My friends at OZ told me that Suspended Brands had been blowing up on MassRoots, a popular new social app that lets you interact and discover cannabis products and producers close to you.
Suspended Brands themselves don’t have much going in terms of internet presence, except for their Instagram which is updated frequently. They currently have a domain name that leads to a page with their logo, so it’s safe to say that the website is underway.
The jugs come in a hefty jar, adorned with a sticker featuring selective strain information. There is also a picture of people riding bikes! Another step towards slowly shifting the lazy stoner image further into the shadows.
Let’s talk some specifics:
Strain: Green Crack
Smell: Hay + Lemon + Gasoline
Taste: Cheese + Sweet
Launch Point: 2-3 minutes after smoking
High: Punchy + Bright + Strong + Getting Stuff Done + Doing Nothing At All
I made a nug castle to properly display how fine these buds are. The emerald green, sunbleached orange, and darker reds paint this Green Crack a mosaic of color. Some nugs are lighter then others, but all are gentle and generous.
Having a jar of buds is nary matched by many a thing. Clocking open the top, and inhaling deeply – the smell is a complex combination of hay and gasoline. The taste – kinda cheesy. A little sweetness in there, but for the most part a funky experience.
The high is potent, giving you wings but keeping you firmly (and deftly) stoned. Green Crack gifts you with the choice to either get shit done, or do nothing at all. Well… that’s always your choice (high or not) – but it’s certainly more enjoyable with this strain. Good for creative process as well, break down the writer’s block!
After smoking the strain – I was thinking about the bikers on Green Crack’s sticker. Envisioning having my own marijuana production business, I wondered what would be on my package. It would definitely be in a jar, but the sticker would not feature active people. The style would be like a cartoon, with a guy (or girl) on a couch, maybe with their dog, or their friend (or both).
And that’s it. Seriously. Above in the review, I briefly jested at the subject of the lazy stoner’s absence in legal pot marketing. The thing is that it’s not a joke – where is the marketing for those who don’t want to get high and venture into mother nature?
This is not in any way negatively directed towards those who choose to use exertion, and the outdoors as a vehicle for marketing marijuana. There are days, and strains, that go hand and hand with such actions. I just don’t understand why there can’t be lazy stoner marketing, for outstanding strains like Green Crack that put me on my ass in the an enjoyable way; when all you really want to do is hang out, pet your dog, and just be.
Thanks to Suspended Brands for the lovely strain, and OZ for turning me onto it.
The introduction of this review had an anecdote about bringing Green Crack on a plane. Did you wonder how it all turned out? Surprisingly, the dumbass college student me prevailed, and the weed made it safely through the journey. The exact details surrounding that event are meant for another article, some day.