Clandestine Gardens

Fresh hop season is here, so it’s time for me to pair my favorite flowers with my other favorite flowers. This week we have 9 LB x Strawberry Cough from Clandestine Gardens, which we acquired from Have a Heart in Fremont for $45/eighth.

We’ve checked out Clandestine before, and the results were always positive. Naturally I’m a sucker for a good strawberry cough, and this strain certainly fits the bill. Super heavy, kind of a sativa with the knockout of an indica.

Each strain from Clandestine has a logo/image to go alongside the bud. Not only that, but the producer provides a stick-on tattoo of the imagery as well. At this point I’m saving up all my Clandestine tattoos, and one night I’ll just cover myself in them and go crazy.

The producer uses LED lighting to grow their plants. Owned by two local brothers, the focus seems to be on procuring masterful nugs, taking skate breaks on lunch, having a good sense of humor (look at the about page), and of course the stick-on tattoos. Can I work for you, Clandestine? Please?

Let’s talk about some weed:

THC: 0.5%
THCA: 32.4%
CBD: 0%
CBDA: 0%
Total: 28.9%

Strain: 9 LB x Strawberry Cough
Species: Sativa
Date Harvested: 08/02/16
Smell: Skunky + Fruity
Taste: Gasoline + Berry + Sour
Launch Point: Almost immediately.
High: Energy + Euphoria + Forever Heavy

Known for being a potent sativa, Strawberry Cough has a notoriety amongst most seasoned smokers as providing a clear high. Typically it can be used to help with anxiety in social situations, and alleviate stress in general.

Crystallized and crisp, 9 LB (which is what I will henceforth refer to it as to avoid the long name) looks lovely. It’s clear the buds have been cured to perfection, as is the Clandestine way. After a tumble through the grinder, the strain burned smooth. No bits of seeds or thick stems.

When snapping a bud apart, the smell was apparent immediately. Something skunky that’s also fruity, an alluring pungency. The flavor was sour, with a hint of gasoline – it had a funk, that’s for sure. All the while there was a persistent note of berry.

The high was dense, and powerful – like casting some sort of stupefying spell upon yourself. Normally I’m more inclined towards lighter experiences, but every once and awhile we all need a good frying pan to the noggin. Definitely keep this in mind if you stumble across 9 LB and find yourself wanting.

Honestly sometimes it felt like there was 9 pounds of high pressing down on me, this can be good and bad (depending on when you were smoking the strain). I would call this a “night out” experience, you’d want to incorporate it into situation that isn’t sitting around at home. Personally I found the high a little too intense for just vegging out, and felt the need to venture (specifically to Fremont Brewery for fresh hop splendor).

Clandestine Gardens has carved their way into my heart, if you haven’t had a chance to pickup any flower from the the producer then you need to treat yo’ self. Find their products at: American Mary (Wallingford), Have-a-Heart (Fremont/Skyway/Greenwood), and The Novel Tree (Bellevue).

Pineapple Express, a strain we’ve reviewed before… but not from one of our new favorite producers. Clandestine Gardens‘ take on this beloved strain is a breath of fresh funky air. We got an eighth from Have-a-Heart (in Fre[ak]mont, home of the Solstice Parade happening this weekend) for $50.

Clandestine is an indoor-only for operation, I’ve had their flower before and been impressed with the quality, freshness, and overall experience (stoned as f***). It’s worth noting that each strain comes with a temporary tattoo of the strain name, which is pretty cool.

Novelties aside, they have a deft knowledge of producing weed. With decades of growing experience shared between the lead cultivators, Clandestine is focused on featuring some of the finest cannabis Washington has to offer. It’s a song and dance we’ve all heard before (“the best”), but these folks really own it. Typically their products go fast, with new strains arriving frequently – so get it while you can.

Let’s talk some numbers:

THC: 1.0%
CBD: 0%
THC A: 22.9%
Total: 21.1%

Strain: Pineapple Express
Species: Sativa
Harvested: 04/19/16 (imagine that)
Smell: Sweet + Earthy + Piney
Taste: Cotton Candy + Lemon
Onset: 4-5 minutes after smoking, kind of a creeper
High: Time Slows Down + Balanced + Groovy + Munchies

Pineapple Express is the child of Trainwreck x Hawaiian. Typically the high is known for it’s productive, creative nature – often long lasting, and energetic. Medically the strain is used to treat pain, inflammation (associated with autoimmune diseases), and psychiatric conditions.

The buds are fluffy. They look like little strawberries, but with tufts of green. Of course, it’s the other way around, but looks can be deceiving. Absolutely doused in kief, Clandestine’s Pineapple Express looks as good as it smells/tastes/delivers/etc.

There was a super fruity pine aroma, which intensified by snapping a bud apart. The flavor was notably sweet with hints of lemon. All around a pungent strain that could clear (or fill) a room, depending upon the crowd.

Pineapple Express is one of my favorites because of the feel good energetic vibe. Additionally, it carries a sedative property that is both relaxing, yet not tiring enough to create burnout. The strain represents a perfect balance, a reflection of gettin’ high at it’s best. Positive motivation, heady relaxation, and functionality.

I keep thinking about how there is a potential parody of the Polar Express here. CGI Tom Hanks would have a pineapple for a head, they’d be handing out edibles on the train, then again it’s already been done in movie form. This is the strain talking, by the way. Move along.

Clearly, Clandestine scores again. Find their products at: American Mary (Wallingford), Have-a-Heart (Fremont/Skyway/Greenwood), and The Novel Tree (Bellevue).

Marijuana Review: 9 LB x Strawberry by Clandestine Gardens

Marijuana Review: Pineapple Express by Clandestine Gardens